The Wisdom of Emotions
Turning Pain Into Purpose on the PEACEful Path
Emotions are powerful, aren’t they? They can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even impossible to face. For many of us, especially in recovery, emotions often feel like the enemy, the biggest threat to the safety of your recovery. But what if they were something else entirely? What if they were your greatest teachers, guiding you toward healing and growth?
The second part of The PEACEful Path of Recovery is about the emotions. But in many ways, it’s the most important part. Your emotions drive so much of your behaviour, on a day to day basis. This is true of everyone, not just people in recovery, but when you are in recovery, paying attention to your emotions can play a huge part in the recovery process. As I’ll explore, your emotions play a big part on the development of any addiction, and so it follows that unpicking those emotions, and finding ways to deal with them in a less destructive manner, is vital for sustainable wellbeing, recovery and happiness. It’s not just about handling emotions in the moment but learning to understand what they reveal about your deeper needs and values.
In October 2013, I attempted Sober October, a whole month without alcohol. Given that I struggled to go more than 3 days without a drink at this point, and every alcohol free day was a conscious and hard fought choice, it was a bit of a challenging prospect to say the least.
Particularly considering that on the 3rd, I was in the family court with my ex, battling over disputes about our son. We’d been at war for so long, I was already exhausted. And after a day trying to advocate for my son and myself, and feeling like every decision made worked against what was best for both of us, I left feeling defeated, hopeless, and utterly alone.
When I went to my friend’s house to pick up my son, she offered me a glass of wine. Nothing unusual there, we were very frequent drinking buddies and the offered glass was our usual routine. Initially I refused, reminding her. “I’m doing Sober October,”
“Fuck that”, she decided. “You’ve had a hard day, you need it, it’ll help you relax.”
I didn’t refuse again.
One glass turned into finishing the bottle together, and on the way home, I bought another bottle to drink alone after my son was in bed. By the third day of October, my attempt at sobriety was over.
I still remember that sense of ‘well, that’s just who I am then, I can’t stop drinking, so why even bother trying. I was so broken down by years of conflict and emotional attacks that I had no fight left in me anymore. I certainly couldn’t fight against my own brain. I thought I needed alcohol to help me relax during difficult times of my life. But I now see that drinking wasn’t about relaxing. I was numbing. Numbing the pain, the fear, the stress, the isolation. They all felt unbearable, and drinking seemed like the only way to escape them.
What Are Emotions Really Telling Us?
We often think of emotions as living in our heads because that’s where we process and label them. But emotions actually begin as physiological reactions in the body. We don’t think our emotions, they aren’t a logical thought process. We feel them, they are a tangible, sensory experience
Your nervous system is constantly scanning your environment—both external and internal—for threats and signs of safety. This process, called neuroception, happens before your conscious brain even knows what’s going on. For example:
When you walk into a room, you might feel a knot in your stomach or tension in your shoulders before you consciously register the tense atmosphere, even before anyone has said a word.
When you hear a sudden noise, your heart starts to race, your body flinches and your senses heighten to protect you from the thread before your brain identifies the sound as harmless.
You’re walking down the street and see someone you love walking towards you. Your body relaxes, your face begins to smile and you feel a lightness and warmth in your chest before you think, “There’s my friend, I’m happy to see them.”
Your body knows how you’re feeling long before your mind does. Emotions are signals, guiding you to pay attention to something important. But when we numb or avoid them—whether through alcohol, overwork, or distraction—we miss the opportunity to understand what they’re telling us.
Had I stayed sober on that 3rd of October, and had the capacity to sit with those emotions, maybe meditating or journaling on them, I’d have learned a great deal about myself, my true feelings, and what was important to me in that moment. And with that awareness, and capacity to regulate my emotions, I might have been able to take positive action to improve my circumstances. In the absence of that ability, I felt utterly hopeless, and had no other path to me but to numb those feelings.
Dr. Lance Dodes, in his book The Heart of Addiction, explains this behaviour: "Addictions are an attempt to preserve control over your feelings and your life and respond assertively to helplessness."
When life feels uncontrollable, engaging in addictive behaviours can create an illusion of regaining control. It promises relief from emotional pain, even if only for a little while, and even if, ultimately, the cravings and needs of addiction create more emotional pain than it ever relieves.
For me, the stress, fear, and hopelessness I felt in family court were signals. They were trying to tell me something:
Fear was highlighting how unsafe I felt. Not only did I fear my ex on a very personal level after a lengthy campaign of emotional abuse, but I feared that he was going to take my child from me
Stress was showing me I was overwhelmed and needed support. I felt isolated and trapped in a difficult relationship (even after it ended) and was struggling to trust many people around me. I was also riddled with shame that made it hard for me to open up about my struggles
Hopelessness was pointing to my need for boundaries and a sense of agency. I felt that no one was listening to my worries, taking my concerns or needs into account, and that I had no control over anything that was happening.
But I didn’t know how to listen to those signals. Instead, I turned to drinking, which temporarily dulled the pain but left the underlying issues untouched. This is why emotional awareness is so vital in recovery. It allows us to respond to emotions with curiosity and care rather than avoidance.
Tools for Processing Emotions
The following October, I had an entirely different experience in my relationship with alcohol. I realised I didn’t need it anymore. Around six months into a year long Yoga teacher training course, I experienced the sort of hangover that makes you wonder if you’d have been better off if you’d never woken up. But somewhere through the piercing headache, debilitating fatigue and post booze anxiety and self loathing, I had a profound realisation.
I couldn’t understand why i’d done this to myself. Not because the night before wasn’t fun, or anything awful had happened. It had been a great night.
But I knew with every fibre of my exhausted, hungover being, that I didn’t need it. And I deserved better.
I didn’t need booze to help me manage my emotions anymore. I could use my breath to soothe myself, creating space between the intensity of my emotions and my reactions in ways that booze never allowed.
Yoga taught me to tolerate the discomfort of difficult emotions rather than running from them. It gave me the tools to sit with my feelings and process them, even when they felt overwhelming. Through breathwork and meditation, I began to understand that emotions were not my enemy; they were messengers guiding me toward what needed my attention.
Writing became another vital practice during this time. By putting my thoughts and feelings onto the page, I could explore and untangle the stories behind my emotions. Journaling helped me uncover truths about myself and my patterns that I had been too afraid or too numb to face before.
This newfound ability to breathe through discomfort, sit with my emotions, and process them through writing played a critical role in my recovery. It wasn’t easy, and it didn’t happen overnight. But these practices gave me a healthier way to respond to my emotions that didn’t involve numbing them with alcohol.
You can read more about my unexpected recovery here…..
Learning to work with emotions takes practice, but it’s possible. Here are some tools that have helped me and many others:
Breathing Exercises: Slow, deep breaths calm the nervous system and create space to process emotions.
Journaling: Writing about your feelings can help you untangle and understand them.
Embodied Awareness: Pay attention to how emotions show up in your body. For example, tight shoulders might signal stress or frustration.
Movement: Activities like yoga or walking can help release stored emotions and bring clarity.
Mindfulness Practices: Simply sitting with an emotion without judgment, noticing how you feel without trying to explain it or chase it away, can transform how you experience it.
You can read the last essay on the Practice part of The PEACEful Path of Recovery below
Emotions can be guides for deeper change
Emotions aren’t just something to be managed—they’re guides that can lead you toward deeper truths about yourself. For example:
Anger might reveal where your boundaries are being crossed.
Grief might highlight what you value and miss.
Stress might show you that something in your life needs to change.
By becoming more attuned to these signals, you can make choices that align with your values and create a life that feels authentic and fulfilling. This isn’t just about managing emotions in the moment—it’s about reshaping your life in a way that reduces emotional pain altogether.
When you can sit with the pain, and allow it to be heard, you might find ourselves overwhelmed by it for a while, but eventually, it can clear the way for healing and growth, as I discovered and wrote about last year.
Life isn't all summer sun. We have to face the winter as well
Listening to Your Emotions
If you’re struggling with overwhelming emotions, remember this: Your emotions are not your enemy. They are signals, asking for your attention. By learning to listen to them, you can uncover the wisdom they hold and create a life of peace and purpose.
The next time you feel a wave of stress, anger, or fear, pause. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself: “What is this emotion trying to tell me?” It might just lead you to the changes you need to thrive.
Resources for Paid subscribers
With this series I am offering some extra resources for my wonderful paid subscribers. To accompany this week’s essay, I am offering
Some journal questions to help you uncover the practices that will help you most, and how to incorporate them into your life
A simple practice to integrate into your day, to help you connect with the body, and centre yourself.
If you’d like to access the resources I will be making available to paid subscribers, you can subscribe below.
Next week, we will be looking into the A on the PEACEful Path of Recovery…. the importance of Awareness and Acceptance. I’ve already touched on this a little, and I can’t wait to share more with you!